I'm so sorry Hanna Begam.

I'm sorry for doing what i've done to you. I've only gone back into a war that I can never win. And I feel it. I feel the pain and it strikes me deep. But we're even. You made me think I was something I never was. I'm only a piece of shit. And now it seems clearer more than ever. Please do not EVER make me believe it again. FUCK THAT SHIT. It stops here. You're such a beautiful friend, but don't ever lie to me again.

This is life.

I must learn to cope with loneliness. I must learn to lead without the aid of a companionship. After all it is me who lives my life, not anyone else. It is with great displeasure to say that I am something worthless as of now. The things I have done which has affected a few along the way should have merited a great degree of bad karma to punish me with. All this has been my very own doing and I am certainly not proud of it. This is life. If you do not know how to control it, it will control you. It has made me a sad little boy not knowing how to control my life. All this while i've been doing as i've pleased but I have not fully felt life to the fullest. It is still very much empty. My whole life is revolved around pessimism, anger, sadness and disappointment. But I can change all that, I must learn to lead life on my own.

Yeah we're nearing the end it seems. Drifters we are, now knowing what hit us in the first place. It's been a tough ride with you babe. But you and me, more or less finished. It's sad.

I lost me head.

This anger has been inside me for so long. And I'm so sorry you had to bear the full brunt of it. I'm not normally like that around girls, you know me. But yesterday what happened had to happen. I know you may have your side of the argument, but i'm just trying to point out a few things to you. You will not listen. You've stopped for a long time. And I only have myself to blame. But whatever happened had to happen.

Just like a piece of driftwood.

My relations with her are more or less like Germany in ruins. It's there but everything's gone. Like a piece of driftwood, we remain floating choosing not to sink to the bottom. There is nothing left that could be said or done to salvage anything. It's just a matter of time.

I just can't believe how out of luck I am whenever it comes to you. I wanna feel hurt, but what's the point. That won't even make you consider running to me. I'm glad that after your break-up you found someone else. It hurts that I would still continue waiting. Waiting for something that might not even come. I'd just stick to this dysfunctional relationship for as long as I can. I'm not falling to pieces, i've shattered all over the floor.

I had to chance to love a very beautiful girl.

I had the chance to be her best friend.

But.

I'm more or less certain the damage that i've done its enough to ruin it all the way.

Many chances.And all just gone to waste.

She was awesome.

I was just an ass.

I had the chance to love a very beautiful girl.

I had it right in my hands.

I had it.