Hanna,

I must really be an idiot for repeating it over and over. The split second it is heard, it's hard to change the situation of things and it certainly cannot be taken back. I know how you feel yet I still do it. There must be something wrong with me. I apologize for my stupidity towards you.

I did it before. Painful as it is, I have done it. And this I can do again. You were never mine and you never will be it seems. So be it.

Same shit,different day.

Stagnant. That's how i'd put it. It feels that all these past years you're like a cog in my machine that keeps me runnin'. And it feels like you're gone. Well, of course we all know it's my fault for most parts of it. But you're gone. And emptiness mixed with frustration makes my world stop. I look up and I see absolutely nothing ahead of me. Vast disappointment is all I see. And the voices in my head, one huge war is going on. Just loud noises and empty nothingness. I'm just very disappointed in myself ladies and gentlemen. I could have done a whole lot better with whatever chance I had before. Screwing up is just a massive understatement. You're happy now an I'm trying my ultimate best not to ruin it for you. Just promise me you'll still remember me after all the dust has settled down. Or it may be too late by the time you do. Then the Budi that once lived and breathed for you, will cease to exist. Far away in different worlds, with only the slightest thin hope that we will ever meet again.

And it starts again. Do not ever question my friendship. Where were you when I was sick? Don't start this.